🔗 Share this article Navigating the Desire for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, often causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; eventually you might become more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.